Karma and compensating for my small...


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Two hosts since the email I sent out to my list a few days ago, I lay awake at 7 am, reading over DamnYouAutocorrect.com (not being paid by them to be clear.) I chuckle and force myself to breathe-laugh openmouthed so as to not wake up my host sleeping on the loft he and his cousin put together.

The night before...

Scratch that...

At 2 am, we returned from dancing at a local bar, Omas Brilijanta Istaba - which apparently means Grandma's Diamonds - and crashed. Still filled up from napping the evening before, my body tells me it's time to wake up at 6:45. Time has ceased to have meaning here in the Baltic states.

Cool. Time to check messages and fill up my emotional reserves cause I need to make some cashy cash today. Cue DamnYouAutocorrect.com, cue stifling my laughing (just as I'm stifling my keystrokes right now) and now you're somewhat caught up. Nobody will ever know what happened that fateful hour before we went to Grandma's Diamonds...

This is all about compensation.

What does it mean?

How does it affect our overall achievement, happiness, and emotional health?

I have a fault when I have almost no sleep... I get all emotional and record some heartfelt video. Then I post it.

And when I get the sleep to balance myself out, I look at the video and am like...

... ...

...how embarrassing.

But it usually has to do with something I'm scared to admit to myself, and in my sleep-deprived drunken stupor I end up divulging my secrets in between tears to the world...

I am open to a fault, something I work on. At least I have Joe Biden to look up to - a leader who had a fault of speaking his mind to a T. Perhaps it's not a fault... Perhaps it's a strength, to be able to speak my truth without abandon, regardless of what the recipient thinks. The question is unanswerable since it's a judgment, not a law of being.

Back to the video... A few weeks ago, after 3 or so days of 7-hour jet lag (I went to sleep at 6 am and woke up at 2 pm... Life was tough for a bit) I recorded something that was like "I am ashamed of chasing status and wealth and everything" and proclaiming it to the world...

Again... open and unapologetically honest to a fault. But within my embarrassingĀ video (which I have since taken down) I had much truth.

If your value is external from yourself, your status for instance, your wealth, the people you are friends with... But within you there is no intrinsic value, you are on the wrong path.

I used to think being a man meant I was in control of every situation in my life. And if I wasn't, I had to become in control.

Now I realize I must be in essence a gift to the world. I can take, yes, for my own health and fulfillment. But I must also give. Without the giving aspect, I am a liability to others. They may have enough to give away, but over time, I build resentment in those close to me the more I take.

This all guides me towards the conclusion, lying now on my stomach, sun rising outside of this 3rd story window near central Riga, Latvia, that my purpose, and really the purpose of any human being, is ultimately to be a light to those around you.

We are only as valuable as what we give. Status, wealth... SUSTAINABLE status and wealth are only a reflection of the status and wealth we have given away.

As we can see from our President, when one builds wealth in a way which does not benefit those it was taken from - Like I give you apples, you give me a fair amount of money for my apples... Or I give you graphic design services, you give me a fair price based on your need, my skills and the services rendered - society tries to take the money back. I have never had a Trump steak, and aside from a steak donned with a tuft of orange fuzz, I have heard that his products are less than quality. Without having tried them, the consensus I read about his products is that he sells the image, and the quality is really not there.

As a result, the world seems to attempt to take the difference between the amount of value he gives the world and the amount of money he has.

Are any of us trying to take from Elon Musk? Are any of us trying to take from Bill Gates?

Both of these people aspire, whether for personal interest or altruistic reasons is irrelevant, to change the world for the better. And, I postulate, as a result, we are happy letting them keep their wealth.

This is not a new idea in any way shape or form, but to share it from a new mouth, one's wealth is an outer reflection of the value we have given to society.

The more you give, without expecting, the more you get. Call it magic, call it karma, call it hogwash.

But clean hog or dirty hog, that's how it works.

And in the end, sitting up now, the light coming in from the window nearly full here 5 of latitude north of the northernmost point of the continental US, I realize that proclamations of wealth, of status, of fame etc. are just compensations. Somehow, it is clear behind one's words - from an evolutionary perspective, or a religious one or a karmic one - it is clear behind one's words your value to the world.

As the first of the Tarot Cards (not counting card 0), Zen Buddhism and tenets from many other faiths, including Christianity, Judaism and others say in different ways, as above, so below. As within, so without.

And thus it is with status and wealth.

~Joe Buchoff